Can you taste the danger?
don't be fooled by its cute little waist and big behind
A few weeks ago, I set out to better understand how affiliate marketing works. In the process, I learned that while it’s quite easy to set up and make a little bit of dough ($4), I only like to recommend things I feel very passionately about. In the future, you’ll see some selections, but I’ll be spending more time doing what I enjoy most: analyzing trends, offering practical tips, and making whacky charts.
Dear reader,
I arrived upon this newsletter topic by asking: what food is most risky for your body and your wallet? And now we’re here, discussing the most dangerous, adorable, and healthiest fruit on the planet: the avocado.
Avocado 101
Demand has exploded in the US since the early 2000s — even before avocado toast threatened Millennials’ life savings.
Over 90% of avocados in the US come from Mexico, primarily because consumers prefer Hass avocados (more oily and flavorful than varieties from other Central and South American countries).1
Avocados are currently exempt from tariffs (under the US-Mexico-Canada Agreement in 2020), but confusion about the scope of recent tariffs have confused distributors, resulting in temporarily higher prices and lots of headlines.
How to Buy
I cannot be trusted buy them by the bag — I will eat one when it is still hard, another half will languish in the back of the fridge, and another will inevitably go brown because I saved it too long.
Buying unripe: if you can be trusted to buy in bulk in advance, congratulations, you can shop wherever you please
Buying ripe on-demand: the best way that I have found to reduce waste and get an avocado when I need it, but you will pay a premium
Ten Ichi (or other international grocery store): anywhere with good sushi or guacamole keep a pile at peak ripeness
Davocado Guy: I’m sure my non-NYC readers are shrugging and thinking “only in New York,” but no, he delivers nationwide
Buy your own tree:
if you have a patio
Gary in SF has a few for you — and it’ll improve your rep:
"Everybody needs an avocado tree, for not only the tariffs to save some money but for the environmental ethic and the fact that you'll be the coolest kid on the block if you're giving avocados away," he said.
Try the oil: I’m loving west~bourne’s avocado oil for high heat cooking.
How to store
Unripe: at room temp, cuddling in the paper bag with a banana or apple to make it ripen faster
Ripe: in the fridge (crisper drawer) for 2-3 days
Cut: sprinkle with a bit of acid (lemon or lime), keep the pit in, and keep it closed to the elements, to prevent browning
How to Use
I worked with an engineer who cut his hand so badly cutting an avocado he couldn’t code for two months. Needless to say, we missed all of our deadlines and I’ve been afraid of cutting them ever since. The engineer, who shall remain nameless, was not unique (even though he definitely thought he was) — “avocado hand” accounts for a staggering 2% of knife wounds admitted to the ER.2
How to cut: (a helpful video)
remove the stem
place the avocado on the cutting board (never in your hand) and use a pairing knife to slice to the pit. Then carefully spin the avocado around, maintaining the blade’s contact with the pit, until you’ve rotated it fully.
twist and separate the halves
to remove the pit safely: use a spoon, cut into quarters first, or very carefully stab the pit with a sturdy knife. Do not cut your hand.
How to accessorize:
while I cannot justify the purchase, the pitting ability of this 3-in-1 slicer is tempting
people rave about avocado savers, but you’re fine with cling wrap or a reusable jar
a handmade molcajete is chic and adds an element of gravitas to your shelves (it is heavy)
How to use:
on literally anything
in tempura
in pasta
in dessert (with chocolate, key lime, or condensed milk)
with a lil’ more salt, lime, or a pinch of sugar to highlight the more delicate flavor if you’re trying a non-Hass avocado (the Bacon, the Gwen, or the Pinkerton)
How to wear:
I non-ironically love a novelty embroidered cap
this Hermes Vert de Gris Birkin is basically the same color as an avocado peel
This will be the last ingredient-specific post for awhile — next up, I’m digging into what it’s actually like to cook on reality TV, wtf is going on with all those fake meat startups, what to eat when you’re going to run for a really long time. Send me your questions!
Sophia
Catch Up
Rossheim ME, Ninh EQ, Livingston MD, Thombs DL. 49,000 Avocado Cutting Injuries. Am J Health Behav. 2020 Jan 1. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/31783928/
I keep trying to grow an avocado tree from a pit and fail every time. I just need to go buy one at a nursery!
my life changed when i started buying them at the mexican grocery store