How to Order for the Table

a foolproof process

Jan 29, 2025

Dear reader,

I have a love-hate relationship with one of the most common get-to-know-you exercises in Corporate America. I am, of course, referring to the “icebreaker.” On the one hand, I get to learn something interesting about my colleagues (psychological closeness!), on the other hand, I experience a wave of terror unlike any other. I am paralyzed with the need to seem interesting yet effortlessly cool, accomplished yet down-to-earth, when faced with a series of palpitation-inducing prompts like: “what’s your fun fact?”; “give us two truths and a lie”; or “what’s your secret talent?” Following many who had actually interesting secret talents like chess, fitting leftovers into the perfectly sized Tupperware, or playing the bagpipes (all verified talents of former colleagues), I dredged up examples of my nerdiest past (see: French horn, Ancient Greek, beading). That is, until I discovered my secret talent: I am very good at ordering for the table.

In reality, it is not a talent or even a skill to be a “restaurant top” (thank you, Kiernan Shipka), it is a tried and true process that anyone can learn.

The process:

Know your customer(s)
Assess your stakeholder(s)
Design a comprehensive solution

Know your customer(s)

Before you can begin to put a successful menu together, you have to learn what your guests think they want (and what would potentially kill them). Ask:

Do they have any dietary restrictions?
Have any menu items already caught their eye?
How hungry are they? (is this a heavy snacks situation or a full-on binge mode?)

Assess your stakeholder(s)

Your server is the most powerful influencer on your meal. At best, they guide you toward dishes you would never try on your own, keep you from ordering too much, and make sure you have everything you need within a reasonable timeframe (2 minutes for water, 7 minutes for cocktails, 30 seconds for replacement forks). At worst, they can lead you into a multi-hundred dollar mistake. To determine their palette and competence, I always ask:

We haven’t been here before (or in awhile), can you walk us through the menu and highlight any favorites?
I’m deciding between drink X and drink Y, which do you prefer?

Below are a series of red and green flags to determine how much you can trust your server based on their responses. If they pass, trust them with your life. If they fail, feel free to ignore them (but please don’t post a nasty public review, no one does that in your workplace).

Design a comprehensive solution

By now, you should have a rough sense of how many dishes to order, as well as any standouts or requests. Now let’s put it all together:

Hit different parts of the flavor wheel: no one wants to leave feeling overly bloated on salt or spiced out.
Pick a variety of proteins: unless you are getting the whole hog/duck or have dietary restrictions, aim for a surf, and turf, and a bean (or hearty veg)!
Portion control: Make sure everyone gets a taste.
1. Most appetizers come in threes, but you can almost always get an order of four.
2. If ordering for a long table, double-up items and ask the server to distribute them evenly
Provide the illusion of choice: give two options to whomever you trust more (your guests or your server)
Have a secret wildcard dish: no one will get mad about truffle fries, but you can do better than that! Just please not a shot of warm gin.

Parting thoughts

Dietary restrictions: if only one person has an inconvenient dietary restriction (e.g., dairy or gluten free at an Italian restaurant, vegan at a Korean restaurant), try to accommodate for at least 50% of shared dishes and encourage that person to select a full-sized entree.
Payment: while I loved a game of credit card roulette back in the day, don’t be an asshole. Order responsibly so that no one is annoyed about splitting the check.

Other Stuff & Things

Currently obsessed with wearable food art and desperately trying to track down a manicurist to recreate this oyster mani. Am I serious? I don’t know any more.
I put myself through college making $2.13 an hour (plus 25% of my sales if I wore a push-up bra), but I’m skeptical about removing tax on tips.
Laughed out loud at this witty account of a sweets junkie at a health spa [NYT]. It’s less cliché and better than it sounds.

Recent Eats

Braised Pork Shanks (subbed Short Ribs) with Coconut Milk and Malabar Spice and Khichadi from I Am From Here [Vishwesh Bhatt]: I keep wanting to love this cookbook, but the dishes are consistently 3/5 stars and not worth the effort (with the exception of the pickled okra which is 🔥).
Sour Cream Flatbreads from Dining In [
Alison Roman
, P.S. I love your baby nursery!]: Fluffy, slightly tangy, easy to delegate to an eager sous chef, and worked well at altitude. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Miso-Walnut Double-Thick Chocolate Chip Cookies from Sift [
Nicola Lamb
]: I am so delighted that I froze a second batch so that I can have these umami-forward Levain replacements on demand.
Via Carota roast chicken: continues to deliver.